I could spend all day listening to the diverse reactions of parents toward their children, from the first daycare drop-off to when to stop breast-feeding to the decision to have multiple kids. When talking with other moms, I feel so awkward, so un-nurturing. Neither my husband nor I fell in love with our son at first sight, or six months later. He was a stranger, one we created, but still a stranger. We did, however, do everything possible to care for him and cuddle with him. Nor did I cry after dropping a then eight-week old Stinkbug off at the daycare. I ran away whooping and joyfully clicking my heels. Announcing these two things in a room of mothers can make the conversation halt quicker than asking women their ages and weights.
Then there's the question if we want more children. We are fairly quick with our resounding 'NO.' Not that we don't love Stinkbug now, but we are quite content with one, thankyouverymuch. We already have one child that spent the first six months spitting up my milk on everything and everyone, that sleeps far less than we do, and that makes my cat jealous with the amount of cuddling he desires. Even after this, nearly everybody from the checkout lady at the grocery store to the ancient Greek man who runs the snowball stand--everybody except our parents--has explained to us how we should have more children in such obvious and simplistic terms as if explaining the necessity for food or water or AC. I've heard all of the reasons, so that's when we are usually forced to pull out the big guns to make them stop. My Stinkbug ripped me asunder, leaving my husband and doctors scared for my health if I should ever have another. And there you go; that makes them stop. Not that we are simply happier with one, that we can offer him the world while still fulfilling our dreams. No, but the reason of my health.
Then again, maybe it's not the concern for my health that halts the incessant questioning, maybe it's the talk about my ladyhood. As I said before, I always love to see the reaction.
You really can't win when people ask you about your procreation plans. Everyone asks what our plans are, but then if we give them something relatively detailed, "Yes, we want to have x number of children, about y years apart," they're shocked ("You've got everything planned out, don't you?" Umm..yes?). Whenever we tell people we will probably have a second, they say, "Oh, C is so good, your second child will be bad!" Meaning...? We shouldn't have another? I don't even know. We usually just shrug and say, "Yeah, probably."
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how talking about sex and money is taboo, but everybody wants to be intimately involved in procreation plans. Though, I have come to realize that most people genuinely care and want to pass along advice and the lessons they have learned. I've seen parents have two great children and parents whose first child was way too good to be true and the second child was more normal, which seemed frustratingly bad after the first child. I was actually told the opposite when Stinkbug was a baby--since he was fairly difficult, my next child would be easy.
DeleteDaniel and I get the same reaction when people ask us when we are going to have children and we say that we aren't having kids. People look at us as if we have sprouted two heads and that there must be something wrong with us. I have 5 children that all have paws and fur and that is exactly what we want.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately we get negative reactions from some of our family members such as "I guess Daniel is going to have to find a new wife that wants to have kids." Then trying to explain that it isn't just my decision but the both of ours, and that if someday down the road we decided that we wanted a kid that adoption would be our option because there are thousands of children of foster care that need good homes.
I will say that my life would be far more boring if I hadn't had Stinkbug. He's helped me become more organized and more calm, if not on the outside, then definitely on the inside. I use my time more wisely. I make my decisions for all of us. But mostly, he has made me far less selfish and I thank him for that.
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